Three months on and I am no closer to finding a plumber who will actually get back to me on a price to fit the only horizontal cyclinder on the market, the Telford Tempest (which my neighbour has and is very happy with) and which are also ridiculously expensive. So I have given up on that idea and decided to go with the Vailant ecoTEC Plus 937 which is suitable for 3/4 bedroom houses with two bathrooms and one ensuite or the Vailant ecoTEC Exclusive, suitable for the larger property. But why do all plumbers who I call up seem to want to put a hot water cyclinder in my house?

Sure, you can only run one shower at once but to be honest, in the past year and a half, even with two bathrooms and four of us in the house, there has not once been a situation where both bathrooms have been used simultaneously.

So against the advice of Mr Mean and all four plumbers I have spoken to, I have decided to get a combi boiler as I hate hot water tanks. After all I know best.

I went to see my naked neighbour today, mainly to collect my new Jones shoes which were delivered to him today as I was not in, but also to drop off my loft plans as he asked for a copy. He made another comment about where my window will face. I did say that the main bedroom will be facing the garden but my bathroom will face his house so I will be able to see into his loft, although the bathroom will be frosted glass. Whilst he did say so directly, I don’t think he liked this so I will have to have a think about what to do here to protect his privacy. I thought about telling him I already see him naked everytime he has a shower but I thought best keep quiet about that.

I also asked how’s it going with the new baby. He hesitated a bit and said they came home yesterday, he was born just over a week ago. I didn’t ask what was wrong as I don’t want to be a nosey neighbour.

Then I  went to see my other neighbour and her daughter gave me a kiss which I thought was quite sweet.

I like cakes a lot but I don’t really like this one (not work friendly).

How do people get these weird ideas intheir head?

Two months after receiving my new Citibank credit card after some fraudulent transactions took place, I have found another £4,200 worth of holiday transactions charged to my account.

Don’t Citibank match the name and postcode when they allowcards to be charged? This is theonly credit card I have had problems with.

Since this has happened to me twice now in just as many months, I am assuming that it is somewhere I shop regularly.

The only place I can really think of is Shell Smallford where I top up with petrol.

Surely the amount of fraud they are subjected to is worthwhile investing a little money in their security? Or do they not care because they deduct the money from the company that does the transaction, who aren’t really at fault because they have no way of verifying with Citibank that the cardholder address matches the delivery address?

Three weeks after my surveyor visit, I have finally got my loft drawings back.

What’s that, 1.8m ceiling height for the bathroom? Surely that can’t be right. Mr Mean is 1.82m tall so when he is standing in the shower underneath the rain shower I am going to have fitted or having a shave at the sink, he will have to crouch down.

The guy who did the drawings did not meet me so he obviously could not have made the plans with me in mind. Perhaps he is quite small himself and does not think of such things.

Also 3.14m wide x 1.58m long is just wrong. You cannot have a long narrow bathroom, it will look weird! According to the council, I am allowed 53 cubic metres for permitted development so there is absolutely no reason why the loft company have only utilised 40 cubic metres and given me a small narrow bathroom when it could be much much bigger. I shall have to have words with their architect.

On Sunday my shower wouldn’t switch off as the on/off lever on the tap broke. I have had to switch off the water at the mains which means that if anyone wants to go to the toilet, wash their hands, use the washing machine etc then they have to switch the water mains (in the loft) back on and on comes the shower.

I called up the tap company as it is two years old and it came with five year warranty. They said they sent me out a new tap part by 1st class on Monday but four days later it is not here! So I called again and requested they send it by next day courier. They said they can’t, even if I pay, as the courier will loose it as the part is so small. Eventually I got them to send the part again by Special Delivery but it really was a chore.

This evening when I got home from work, there was a car “parked” outside my house. I say “parked” because it was more like just left in the middle of the road with a parking ticket on the front.

Mr owner of the GV05 BCE Toyota, what exactly were you thinking?! Obviously you were there for awhile as the parking attendant managed to give you a ticket without you spotting him and you left thirty min after I got home. Was there some kind of disaster and you had to abandon your vehicle? Are you the owner of Baker and Spice because if you are then you seriously need to go on a driving course as your van is parked like this far too often for my liking.

I came back from Cyrpus this morning to find that my naked neighbour has finally had enuogh of me and decided to put his house on the market. I also noticed that he trimmed my bush whilst I was away. Was I too demanding? Did he not like maintaining me?

Good luck to him. That price is a real bargain and I am sure it will be snapped up quickly just like the house five doors down which has been on the market for four months now, whereas one and a half years ago it sold within one week.

Perhaps even I could buy it? Then I could knock through the walls and make myself a nice large family house.

This morning Mr Mean took me to get laser hair removal on my moustache as he is tired with the amount of time I spend de-hairing myself. So off I went to the clinic which he has used before. It was 40 Euors for the facial area. The woman gave me some goggles and told me to lie back. Then I felt a very painful zap which I was not expecting at all as she started so quickly. Oh my god really hurt and I felt like my face was on fire. She did about 6 more zaps before I asked for a break as it hurt so much. After my 30 second break, she did 4 more zaps and that was it. It was all over in about 2 min.

I am suprised at how quick and painful it was at the time. But now 5 hours later there is no pain and my face is not red either which is good. Let’s hope it worked. I shall report back in a months time.

It’s 40′C here and just about hot enough to go into the sea. So Mr Mean took me to Larnaca for 2 hours at 6pm. The sea is suprisingly warm and hardly anyone here at all. The weather is just right for me so I took the opportunity for a little sunbathing and swim in the sea.

Mr Mean likes saying To The Sea! a lot because he plays Age of Empires every day and they say that a lot in there.

This afternoon, Mr Mean, his cousin and I went for a walk to Avakas Gorge. Having seen many postcards advertising this special place, I had been wanting to visit it for some time. It was very very beautiful although I did find it very scary walking under the great big rock as it is held in place by a series of small rocks so I had to run in case it fell on top of me. We also saw a few wild goats which were also quite scary as I thought they might attack us. Luckily they kept away from us and I think it’s because Mr Mean found this magic stick shaped like a duck which kept the bad spirits away from us.

This evening Mr Mean and I are going to Cyprus for his friends wedding. I went into the loft to get my suitcase and it was not there. So I asked Mr Mean what happened to my suitcase and he said he gave it to his brother a few weeks ago to take to Cyprus and he didn’t bring it back even though Mr Mean told him to.

Thanks for telling me.

So now I have no suitcase and need to go away for ten days. Luckily as I am so small all my clothes fit into my weekend bag but I am so angry that I spent all afternoon shouting at Mr Mean and Stu told me he wants a rent reduction because I shouted so much.

I am very very angry at Mr Mean. Had he told me two weeks ago then I could have borrowed a suitcase from elsewhere but no he only told me when I went to look for it.

This evening I went to see my naked neighbour so he could sign the party wall agreement for my loft conversion. He was a bit busy so I left him the document and he said he would bring it round later. Two hours later he came over and we had a small chat. He is selling up and leaving for the US in 4-5 months. His wife is due in two weeks. He had quite a few questions about the design of the loft and wants to see the architect drawings when I get them. I forgot to ask what he does for a living but he is home a lot so it can’t be that important. As he was leaving he insisted on trimming my bush tomorrow, even though it is not that overgrown. He is such a gentleman.

This evening at Zurich airport, I went through the security scanner. The buzzer sounded so the woman took me into the curtained off area and had a good feel of me. She said my bra was the issue. She didn’t ask me to take it off but to be honest, I was quite suprised as not once in 29 years of travelling on airplanes has my bra ever caused a security scanner to go off.

It was probably my metalic flower shoes or my necklace or my piercings. But not my bra.

I don’t know why I am attracting all these women all of a sudden.

Lindt chocolate is also very expensive in Switzerland. It’s much cheaper at Lidl.

This morning I went to the dentist for my annual check up and clean as he does not like me coming every six months. When I got there, his assistant (who is reasonably attractive) rubbed my arm, said she had not seen me for awhile and had some general chit chat.

Then I had my check up where she probed my mouth a bit with her utensil.

Then as I was leaving, she grabbed my arm and gave me a kiss on the cheek in front of the dentist.

I was not sure if this was inappropriate behaviour or not. But I am pretty sure that it’s not normal. And I am suprised she did it in front of the dentist.

I am not going to put in a sexual harrassment case unless she starts stalking me as she does have my address.  But I suppose that it is a little flattering that she found me attractive since none of the lesbians even looked at me when I went to Astoria a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago, the butler told me he was moving out as a friend of his was moving and they decided to move in together. I was quite sorry to see him leave as he was pretty easy to live with. I stuck an ad on gumtree, a few hours later someone came round and ten minutes later I have a new housemate. He seems ok. Uses his laptop and also goes away a lot. I like people that use their pc a lot, they tend to be very low maintenance.

Another day and I am now £3,740 lighter. The loft company let me pay on my credit card which means I get a further 2% cashback with my Citibank Shell Mastercard (which is coming in handy with these 1p daily fule price increases). I went to see my Turkish neighbour’s wife this evening as she wanted me to sign her mortgage papers and I asked her to sign my party wall agreement. She signed it straight away which I am really suprised about. I was expecting her to request a surveyor (which she is legally entitled to) given how much money she has spent on her house.

So now I just need to visit my naked neighbour which is going to be hard as he never seems to be in. His wife is also now heavily preganant so I hope they don’t cause me any objections to the work.

The Turkish neigbour’s wife also asked me a lot of questions about when I am getting married and going to have a family. I don’t like it when people asking me that as I never know the answer.

So this evening I was epilating my legs as the weather is quite warm at the moment and it has been over one month since I last did them. Lo and behold I found cellulite on m ankles! How did this happen?? I do so much walking and I take care not to eat too many pies. I honestly thought I would never becom one of those women with fat legs but look at me now! Mr Mean will not want me when he comes back from Cyprus. Need to go on a crash diet and not eat anything so I lose the weight fast.

Cellulite on ankles? I didn’t even think it was possible!

Last night C told me about a video called 2girls1cup. So I went to youtube and had a watch of it (yes, it’s work friendly). To be honest, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. It’s not particularly interesting nor did it turn me on. It’s just a series of photos with 2 women and various cups.

What’s that all about?

At least the BME video I sent him the link to had a bit more action (not work friendly).

Mr Mean needed a passport photo so he used my camera and asked to take a few test shots of me. So I duly obliged but having just got out of the shower, Mr Mean said not to worry and he will just take a photo of my face. Being trusting I believed him. Later on Stu came and asked to borror my camera so I gave it to him. Mr Mean quickly took it back and told me that there were naked photos of me on there. He quickly deleted them before giving the camera back to Stu. That is the last time I trust Mr Mean with a camera when I have no clothes on.

As I am getting my loft convereted soon, I need a new boiler as the existing is not good enough to cover the house as it is. Plus I have got another leak in that blasted lead pipe in the kitchen. I had a plumber come round a few weeks ago to “fix” the boiler which turned out to have low pressure. Since this guy didn’t charge me anything, I thought he seemed ok so I would invite him round for a quote.   He came round two weeks ago, didn’t write anything down, didn’t really look around the house. So I gave him my list of requirements and off he went to prepare a quote. One week ago he comes back round the house and tells me “£6,800 everything”. New boiler, new pipework, re-decorating. So I asked him to provide me a breakdown of the quote as I don’t know what “everything” is.  Three phone calls and sometime later, he sends me this:

Whole description:

1. Remove & dispose two old boilers                                                            £200
2. Power flush system as this would need to be carried out to                                                    validate the guarantee on the appliance                                                      £620
3. Run new water pipe from street                                                                 £580
4. Run new gas pipe to boiler                                                                        £280
5. Supply & fit new condensing combi boilernwith new flue, programmer,                                      filling loop and wireless room thermostate, connect two central heating                                             systems in one including pipe fittings                                                          £4420
6. Supply and fit new thermostate radiator values                                          £520
7. Test system- provide gas safety certificate upon completion works            £180
   

   ---

TOTAL                                                                                                  £6800

Please note conventional boiler  + hot water cylinder cost £180 more

/programer + diverted value/

Not quite the “everything” I had in mind.  I already have TRV’s fitted on my radiator so why does he want £520 to do this again? Is he having a laugh with me? Why did he feel the need to come round just to tell me the quote? Did he want to see the look on my face?
I called up another plumber from the Corgi website and he came round. He sent me a much more detailed quote but for £3,100.

I called up another plumber from the Corgi website and two missed appointments later, he still has not turned up so I have given up with him.

Why is it so difficult to find a decent plumber?

Also it looks like I cna’t have a combi as they can’t cope with large houses. This is a shame as I really hate hot water tanks. Not once have I ever lived somewhere where the hot water has not run out mid shower.

This evening we all went to my aunts house in Paddington for dinner. Ribeana was there and she has put on a considerable amount of weight these past few months.  Her arms and boobs got fat and she has lot the definition between her hips and waist and now looks like a typical English girl.  I asked Z why her mum got fat and Z said she has got a baby. I am pretty sure this is not true as Ribeana’s stomach hasn’t got that much bigger since I saw her two months ago.

I am also worried about Z as she is still up to my boobs and has not grown at all in the past six months. Ribeana needs to feed her more yoghurt and less pizza!

There is a guy at work who goes swimming once a week.  He has asked me a few times but either Flo has been visiting or I have been out of the office.

I told him today I need two days notice to shave my legs. He told me I should leave them hairy as he doesn’t care.  I said I don’t want people at the pool staring at me thinking I was a gorilla but another guy in the office said I should also not worry about shaving my legs and go hairy.

I was not aware that so many men like hairy women.  I think I will take them both up on their advice and go swimming with my hairy legs.

This evening I came home to find that someone/thing has been digging at my lemon tree which I left outside. It has also taken a great big crap and left it by the side. How nice of it. It is either the neighbours cat which does not seem to like me very much or that dog coming back to take another dump.#

On the plus side, my lemon tree seems to be doing well.  It looks as thought it is starting to grow quite a few new leaves. It obviously prefers it outisde than sat in my living room next to my computer.

This afternoon, Mr Mean and I were walking along the high street in Chartres and found a lovely little tea/coffee shop called Les Rois Mages. It has about 50 different types of fresh tea and coffee and a small area to sit down. It is very rare to find such a place with reasonable prices.  Mr Mean and I were so happy that we bought two packs of coffee, left a 50% tip and went back the next day for another cup and sit down.

Today Mr Mean and I set off very early at 5.30am. We caught the Sea France ferry to Calais then drove non stop to Lausanne. I am very impressed that we managed to drive 500 miles on one tank of petrol in my 1.0L Polo. I was not impressed that petrol is more expensive in France than the UK at 1.50 Euros, nor was I impressed at the 58 Euros of motorway toll charges we had to pay. 12 hours later and it’s time for bed. We are both wacked out and have an early start tomorrow at IMD.

This evening I attempted to take my aunt to my grandparents house using Mr Means car. Of course it broke down about half a mile away from Mr Means grandparents house, where my car was luckily located. As I broke down along a main road, I called the breakdown people. At first they said the cover had expired and they would call me back. I knew this was not true as I was sitting next to Mr Mean last week when he renwed it online. Then the guy called me back and said someone would be with me within two hours. 10 minutes later, a recovery man called me to say he was on his way. He attempted to tow me to Reigate which is where Mr Mean lived 8 years ago. I am not sure where they got this address from since Mr Mean did not put this address down and he did not even own a car when he was living there.

I got him to tow me to Mr Means grandparents house half a mile up the road. He said he could not take me to a garage as there were none open. So it looks as though we are taking my 1.0L car to France which does not have breakdown cover and the insurance people are shut and I cannot call them before we leave tomorrow at 5am as they do not open until 10am.

So today Mr Mean finally confirms that we are going to France on Sunday so he can look at two universities. As the usual last minute plan, I booked a ferry ticket with Sea France which was suprisingly cheap at £50, booked 8 different hotels with 1 night at each along different towns on the route and sorted it all out.

What would Mr Mean do without me. He is so disorganised.

Yesterday Mr Mean was complaining about how dirty I am because I pick cutlery off my clean kitchen floor and continue to use it if I drop it and I sweat a lot. So yesterday I decided to give the bath a scrub whilst I was taking my shower using some Cillit Bang. Then when I came out, I asked him to kiss me. He had the cheek to complain that I smelt of bleach and he refused to kiss me more.

He also threatened today to give me a good spanking when he was holding up a heavy shelf as I took awhile running around trying to find a screwdriver, which was not on my tool shelf where I left it last.

So he doesn’t like it when I am dirty and he also doesn’t like it when I am a good girl. So what does he want from me?

On Friday, I went out with some people from work and had a few Archers with lemondade.  I don’t know what is hapening to me, that is the third time this year that I have been out and consumed alcohol.  Normally I only drink once every 2-3 years.

Then last night I put on a tiny mini skirt age 9 from Next and went out to Astoria. If I were a lesbian then I would not recommend this place as I didn’t find any of the women there attractive.  None of them were wearing pretty dresses, make up, nice hair and stilleto’s which is what I like to see.  When I got home, I told the butler about my evening.  He seems to know a lot about the place considering he is “straight. Although he did have a new girl round last night. He seems to be quite lucky with the ladies as he brings home a new one every month.

Three days ago, Mr Mean’s friend emailed him to say he was having a birthday party tonight at a bar in town.  I had already made plans so I told Mr Mean I wasn’t going. But considering it was a birthday party, I don’t understand why the short notice since this guy knew thirty years ago that it would be his birthday on this day?

Then Mr Mean’s other friend from Cyprus texted him to say she is getting married on 22nd June and where to send the wedding invite to. Come on, people plan their wedding well in advance. Why only tell us one month beforehand when they know we have to buy flights? I feel like not going out of principal but as it is a good friend of Mr Mean’s, we have to go. But I will not be buying a new dress. Also this is the last of Mr Mean’s school friends to get married. Just him left now. As I will be thirty this year, the kind guy from work in the German office said he will give me a broomstick as it is customary for spinters to sweep the steps of the town hall on their birthday. How sweet of him to think of me.

This afternoon at work, I walked past that Turkish guy in the corridor at work but he didn’t speak to me and thankfully did not stare a lot either.  I told Mr Mean at home that today I saw that Turkish guy who is apparently hung like a donkey.

Then Mr Mean and I went to see What Happens In Vegas at the cinema, which was really funny and had me laughing in stitches. Ashton Kutcher is beautiful and far too good looking for Demi Moore.

Before we went to the cinema, we went to Waitrose to buy a sandwich and who was standing in front of me. Yes, it was the Turkish Donkey. I said hello and he said hello and said he recognised me from that evening out.  Mr Mean walked off before I had the chance to introduce him, although he did understand from my secret motions that I was talking to the donkey guy that we were speaking about earlier.

Later on Mr Mean said that he knows several people who are hung like a donkey but when it comes to getting it up, they don’t get any bigger.  So perhaps I shouldn’t be so scared of this Turkish guy after all?

Two months ago, Stu was offered a job at a bar paying £7.50/hour instead of the £5.50/hour minimum wage he was getting at the time. So he quit his job as the new bar wanted him to start one month ago. It was a new bar that was just opening and it got delayed so he eventually started last night with the last month being unpaid. But now he has decided that he doesn’t want to work in this new bar because it is too many hours so he is going back to his old minimum wage job.

At least the past month wasn’t a total waste. He did work for 30 minutes on an advert for an American Church as a member of the congregation and got paid $1,200 for that. Not bad money for 30 minutes work but he did not tell me what he had to do or which church it was.

Last night on Euronews I was watching a presentation about bar codes which the user scans with their mobile phone and their mobile phone reads out the product name to them.

Seems a bit complicated especially when the blind person would have to find and scan the tag in order to read out the name of the product.

Surely it would be better to have braille tags? I don’t know why supermarkets haven’t done this already, I see it all the time in lifts. Then again I can’t recall the last time I ever saw a blind person alone in a shop. How do they do their shopping? They can’t all have minders.

This evening just as I was sitting down with Mr Mean for a very early dinner as he is going out, the door bell rang. It was my naked neighbour offering to trim my bush again! He is quite a friendly chap and he said he hopes he is not imposing and sometimes he tends to go too far but I gave him permission to trim away and now my bush is neat and tidy too.

I shall take him a bottle of wine later as a thank you, he really is a nice guy (with a nice body too).

I guess it had to happen to me one day. I logged onto my Citibank credit card statement which gives me 3% off Shell petrol to find a £2,000 charge from Go Voyages.  It wasn’t me who bought an extravagant holiday in France so I immediatey called up Citibank who put a stop on my card and said they will send me a form to sign and they will investigate.

I do wonder in these situations if the person who booked the holiday will still get to travel or Go Voyages will act quick enough and cancel their ticket.

Perhaps it was Mr Mean booking a suprise trip with the second credit card I had added to my account? He has been hinting at a another trip to France recently, although he did deny that this trip was booked by him.

This evening I decided to use the sauna at the hotel in Bonn. What I was not expecting was to see a naked man lying there which was very off putting. I have never seen a naked man in a sauna before but luckily as the sauna was quite big and dark, it was easy to avoid eye contact with this guy. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to get naked too but I decided to leave my bikini on as I didn’t want to cause him offense as I was having a fat day yesterday from eating too much kebab on Sunday.

Mr Mean came back from a 2 week stay in Cyprus this morning. I came home from work at 5pm. He was hiding behind the door and jumped out and scared me when I came in.

He decided to have a nap so I went to cook him a lovely meal. He woke up just in time for dinner, gave me a “special cuddle” then at 8pm left for Birmingham where he is doing some contracting work for the very first company that he worked for after university subcontracting for the company he left just over one year ago in their Solihull office.

At least I got some of his delicious sausage this time.

Last night I went out for a guy from work’s leaving do.  There was a guy sitting at the end of the table about 5m away who spent pretty much the whole time staring at me.  I asked the guy who was leaving who this guy was and imagine my disgust when I found out he was Turkish!  It is a shame I was unable to bring Mr Mean with me as he left for Cyprus on Wednesday for two weeks.  He would have sorted this out and made sure that he didn’t stare at me again.

One month on from the faulty boiler, I have another plumbing disaster. After three visits from the plumber, many floorboards lifted and lots of plaster removed from the wall, we finally found the leaking pipe which was conveniently embedded in the kitchen ceiling.

So now I have a great big whole in my kitchen ceiling.  I think I am going to leave it for a bit.  This house really is a money pit.  Without fail each month, I have a plumbing disaster.  I should be asking Ribeana for a partial refund with the amount of money I have spent fixing the botched up plumbing in this place.

Today I asked Mr Mean why he wanted to buy a cow if he was getting the milk for free.  He replied that he wanted a piece of the beef too.

Isn’t that sweet?  I can tell that he really wants to be with me after that and that he is definitely the marrying kind.

Last night when the butler came home, he left a waft of cigarette smoke along his path.

Also last week he left a waft of either marijuana or cigar smoke, I cannot tell the difference.

I don’t think he smokes in his room as I can’t smell anything in the rest of the house as when it comes to fags, I have the nose of a hawk. Also I would hope he knows me well enough by now to know that I would kill him even if he thought about smoking in the house, let alone do it.

So the only conclusion I have is that he is a secret fag lover who does it in hiding.

Also onThursday night, Stu said he went to an illegal underground bar in Tottenham Court Road that was full of fags. He felt so dirty when he got home that he left all his clothes out in the garden overnight before putting them in the wash to get rid of the fag essence.

A jury on Wednesday sentenced a young father to 25 years in prison for severely burning his infant daughter when he put her in a microwave and turned it on for up to 20 seconds.

What kind of nut job puts their kid in the microwave?

A Tory councillor who suggested parents on benefits should be compulsorily sterilised has resigned.

Sounds like my kind of mp.  Why aren’t there more people like him? People shouldn’t be allowed kids unless they can support themselves.

Apparently, being an engineer isn’t a good career path to be on.

Apart from the lack of meeting desirable women, not so much for me since I am a misogynist and old people think I change lightbulbs for a living, apparently I am boring, stupid and monotonous.

What a way to classify such people.  Is it better to be from marketing and sprout crap out of your mouth all day long and have superficial friends?

I have been having a few insomnia issues this week and there happened to be a perfectly timed magazine article in my weekly Grazia about this.  It said that I should write down what I eat and do during the day and keep a log of my sleep to see if there are any patterns.

So I wrote down what I ate and how I slept.  Since I wrote down what I ate, I thought I may as well calculate the calories and it came to 1800.  Mr Mean said that is too much for my small body to process and I should cut down to 1500.  He also pinched three inches from my stomach and said that needs to go down to half an inch.

I feel so lucky that I have someone who cares about my body so much.  Not many girls have that in a relationship.

On the way home from work, I stopped off at Lidl because I had a chocolate craving and Mr Mean has eaten all my chocolate.  I bought two packs of chocolate biscuits, a pack of waffles, a pack of Cadbury’s Cream Eggs as they were on offer and a cucumber just so I can be a little bit healthy.

When I got home and Mr Mean saw me unpacking, he asked if I was trying to kill him because the biscuits and waffles are killers.  I can’t help if if he can’t control himself and eats the whole lot at once, which is more or less what he did with the rest of my chocolate stash.

Why is it so difficult for Mr Mean to control his eating habits?  Is it really that difficult to watch me eat a piece of chocolate and not insist on having some yourself?

This morning I had a meeting at work and the guy sitting opposite me spent pretty much the whole two hours staring and grinning at my boobs. I don’t really understand why since what I wore was not particularly revealing. I also noticed a few other people take more than a lingering look at me.

When I got home, I asked Mr Mean if there was anything appealing to look at and as usual his eyes focussed on the tv instead of me.

What can I do to bring back some of the magic to our relationship? Why does Mr Mean not find me attractive anymore? Am I really that hideous to look at?

Whilst Mr Mean is looking for work, I suggested he make a weekly deposit at a bank in order to earn a bit of money.

With Mr Means tall lean body, dashing good looks and supeior inteligence, I am sure he would be a popular choice for all the ladies out there with husbands shooting blanks.

Having looked into it in more detail, I am disappointed in the new laws which remove anonyminity.

Do I really want Mr Means child not born from me knocking on the door in 16 years? Somehow I don’t think the £5 per job is worth all that wondering of when his kid will turn up.

My naked female neighbour in the house across my garden appears to have moved out on the weekend.  She has been replaced by an older balding larger gentleman who never closes his curtains.  I see him watching tv late at night and I see him sitting at his computer each morning at 6.45am whilst I am getting dressed for work.

I have not yet seen this one naked.  And I hope not to anytime soon.

Also I think my Turkish neighbours wife is stalking me.  Yesterday morning I was scraping ice off my car then got in.  She came out the house and waved at me then went back in.  Then this morning as I left for work she was standing in her garden and asked me if it’s ok if she puts some recycling in my bin as she doesn’t have a recycling bin.   I said of course then she walked back into her house.

It has been three months after Mr Mean has moved in and things are no longer going so well.

Having finally moved out of the boiler room on Sunday, yesterday I offered myself to him but he turned me down as there was a movie he wanted to watch on tv.

Today I undressed and asked that he look at my naked form. I asked if he would prefer a mule and he responded by putting the tv and his headphones on.

Sure I have put on a little weight on recently, as has he, but I would hardly call my new dress size 8 obese.

Perhaps the guys at work are right for calling me fat and a man and Mr Mean is all I deserve?

Today I spent Valentine’s day in Prague.  It was quite a pleasant evening.  We went out for dinner followed by drinks and I had 5 cranberry liquor shots which were really nice.  I got home quite late as my flight was delayed by an hour and a half.  Mr Mean had a Valentine’s card and a box of Ferrero Rocher for me.  That was really sweet of him.  He has never given me a proper card before.  Normally he sends me a Hallmark ecard which never arrives because their server is always overloaded.

Some guy who has never spoken to me before and who does not work with anyone in my department emailed me today asking if I went to school in Slough with his cousin.

So, he knows my name and where I went to school.

I didn’t go to school with his cousin but it is still creepy. He is nice looking & has amazing green eyes. Unfortunately though I have noticed that he is a bit of a fag lover. I don’t like guys that like fags.

Yesterday Mr Mean and I went to our new neighbour for a cup of tea.  It turns out her husband is Turkish Cypriot.  He spent most of the time talking to Mr Mean about his land in Cyprus and he has been trying to get it back for 25 years.  Mr Mean sat there and listened and was also sweating a lot.  I think it was because he had just had a shower before we went round.

They do have a very nice house.  A huge kitchen which they extended sideways and out into the garden, lovely loft conversion, lots of built in cupboards, under floor heating and cables within the walls everywhere.  If only I had the money to do the same.

Mr Mean wants us to move now.  The Turkish guy has invited us round for sheftalia.

Hairy on the outside and sour on the inside.

What a nasty thing to say about Australians.

Every morning on my way to work and on my way home from work, I see the same guy dressed in army clothes hunched in the corner of McDonalds with a cup of coffee. I feel really bad and wish I could stop to buy him a meal. But as I am always in my car when I see him, I can’t.  One day I will stop and help him.  Just not today or tomorrow or next week.

The Baker & Spice cafe on the corner of my street where it costs £4 for a croissant had a pair of shoes on the counter where they prepare food this evening.

I could threaten to report them to the health inspector in return for a lifetime supply of croissants for Mr Mean and I.  Or I could post photos of their violation on the internet in protest of their scandelous prices. Or I could just not bother since their back garden is infested with rats, they constantly leave the door open and I am sure it will catch up with them as some point.  I think I will go for the last option.

In my quest for a new pair of jeans, I decided to order from Next online as they have lots of sale items on. I ordered 4 pairs of jeans in size 6R as my existing Next jeans which have now got a hole in the crotch are a size 6. I also ordered a short denim skirt in a size 6 and a tailored work skirt in a size 6. I couldn’t even get the jeans up my thigh let alone do up the zip. Yet I felt like I was swimming in both the skirts. Why can’t shops be consistent in their sizing and stick to the measurements rather than have different size 6 for jeans than skirts?

I still feel fat though. I might go anorexic for awhile.

This evening me, Mr Mean, his brother and his heavily pregnant wife who is due next week went to see The Bucket List.  It was a really dull movie about two fat old men and a list they made of things to do before they die.

At the end, they both die.

I spent most of my time wishing the movie to end so I could come home to bed however Mr Mean quite enjoyed the film.

Probe launched after air stewardess performs topless mid-air striptease for the captain

Video here (not safe for work)

Why haven’t they stated what airline this is?

Yesterday I went shopping and took Stu with me to help carry my bags.  I was looking for a pair of jeans and found some really nice ones in French Connection reduced from £65 to £20.  I took a size 6 to the changing room with me and I couldn’t even do up the zip.

Gone are the days where a size 6 was too big for me.  Perhaps I should start eating less and going to the gym more than once a week.  Perhaps the fatties even think I am fat now?

Also me and Stu went to Ribeana’s house afterwards as my mum was babysitting Z.  I found a photo of me and Z in Ribeana’s make up draw while I was snooping around which I think was very strange given she has not said a single word to me in over two years.

Three legislators want to make it illegal for restaurants to serve obese customers in Mississippi.

About time a law like this is passed. Only skinny people like me should be able to eat these delicious looking cheeseburgers in a can.

This evening, Mr Mean and I went to see Wicked.  A lot of people have been talking about how amazing it was but to be honest it wasn’t really my cup of tea.  I am not sure if it was the story line or the actual theatre experience which I didn’t enjoy.  It did seem as if the actors were miming because their body language did not match the powerfulness of the voice which came at.  But the singinging voices were really good and much better than the popstars I hear on tv.  I could not find any info on the internet to imply that the singing was mimed so I shall assume it was live.  However I am glad I went.

This evening I did my step class at the gym.  There were quite a few large ladies in there and a lot of them seemed to be wearing thongs.  I didn’t like looking at them very much but when there is a large lady in a thong jumping up and down and bending over in front of you, it’s like a car crash and you can’t turn away.

Hopefully as it will soon be February, the fatties will give up and it will be back to slim pickings like me again.

Today as I was walking back to my office, I passed the post room guy and he stopped me to ask me where my name was from.  I am assuming he either looked at my name badge when he delievered a package last week or he is stalking me and looked me up in the directory like the last post room guy.  I told him it was an Arabic name.  He told me he was Arabic too.  Then he asked me what country I am from.  I told him my family are from India.  He told me he was Algerion.  I said ok then I walked off.  I think he wants to ask me out.

On Monday at work, a guy from the post room came and delivered something to another guy in my department but I was the only person around so he asked if I could sign for it.  Then today he came with another package and walked straight up to me asking if I knew who it was for.  He said sorry, nothing for me today.  I told him I was expecting something next week and he said he looks forward to delivering it.  Then later I saw him in Starbucks and he stared at me a lot while I was buying my chocolate brownie.

I called my neighbour two weeks ago to ask her for a date for her to come and fix my crack. SHe said the builder was on holiday & she would call me on the 7th when he is back. On Tuesday I had not heard from her so I gave her a call again to chase it up. The next day she sent round the cute builder who came and fixed my crack and also painted the wall. Mr Mean let him in. I asked if the builder was disappointed I was there as he seems to stare at me a lot but Mr Mean said no, he did not look like he was missing me.

http://pottyboy.com/2007/12/08/my-30-second-cat-video-rejected-banned-and-unjustly-called-borderline-pornographic/

Why would anyone want to make such a video of their cat? (safe for work)

Dog gives birth to mutant creature that resembles human being

Looks like the owner tried to cross breed with a dog.

Stu’s friend is finally leaving today. Not only did he get on my tits but so did his girlfriend. She is so LOUD I was trying to sleep and she was yakking away on the phone all the way downstairs. Plus she finished most of my expensive Tea Tree face wash from the Body Shop and topped it up with water to make it look as though she didn’t use it. Stu’s friend also ate the pizza he bought me to replace my £5 Pizza Express pizza which he ate. Then Stu said he wants to use my car tonight to take his friend to his new house plus his girlfriend seems to use about one toilet roll a day and fills up the bin with toilet paper which I have to empty every single day.  One toilet roll a day?  What is wrong with her?  My toilet is CLEAN and also only 7 months old so the seat is not filthy from germs.

And Mr Mean tells me to stop complaining. Why should I continue to bend over and take it? I like a I feel like I am being accused of being a monster here. I can’t see how I am in the wrong. Am I blind? Is this German guy a really nice person that Stu and Mr Mean love and I am the evil witch for not giving him my pizza and welcoming him into my house with open arms?

One year on after spending £250 on reparing my boiler, it has broken down again.  I only get hot water when the central heating is switched on.  I called up my usual plumber but he stood me up yesterday so today I called a guy from the Corgi website who lives 10 doors down from me.  He came over the same day (this evening) and told me I need a new diverter valve.  He will call me tomorrow with a price but I am expecting it to be £250ish.

Bloody Potterton Performa 24.  I thought these things were supposed to last forever.

Today I was walking down the stairs at work and as I got to the bottom, where the exit is as well as the mens toilet, a man came out the toilet and held open the door the way you do when you are being polite and letting someone else pass. I don’t know why he did this as there was no-one else there except for me. I looked at him, smiled and walked out the exit but now I wished I had stopped and told him I am a lady.

After lunch, another guy in the office told me I was the most beautiful lady in the team. Even though I am the only lady in the team, this still made me happy.  When I told Mr Mean this, he said that also means I am the ugliest lady on the team. I was a bit annoyed so I made him lick my toe as punishment.  He did not like that very much.

Stu’s friend from Cologne has finally found somewhere to live and he will be moving in on Wednesday.

He was telling me about it this morning and it is in the Jewish quarter of London, Golder’s Green. He said that there were lots of very religious Jews there walking about in their Jewish clothes and he hopes he is ok there.

A German living in a Jewish area? That’s almost as unheard of as a German with bad manners.

This evening, Mr Mean took me out to dinner in Brick Lane to an Indian restaurant. He pointed out that he has never seen a female person serving. I have never thought about this but when he pointed it out, I agreed.

Where are all the women? Forbidden to work? Sitting at home looking after the kids? In the back doing the washing up?

WTF is that movie all about?

24 year old girl meets 55 year old alcoholic womaniser who is the same age as her dad. Falls completely in love.  Then leaves him.

Let me save two hours of your time.  It is basically a movie where Sarah Michelle Gellar, who has significantly physicall aged and also looks anorexic, spends most of the time kissing and cuddling Alec Baldwin.  It’s really dull and gross to watch.

Mr Mean told me he is going to start giving me money each month so that if we break up, he can have a claim on my house as he will have contributed towards the mortgage payments.  I told him I would prefer him to buy all the food instead but he said no.  Thinking about it, with all this talk of a house price crash coming this year (as there has been every year since 2002), perhaps I will even find myself in a situation where if Mr Mean and I break up, he will owe me money because my house price has gone down, not up.  Poor Mr Mean.  What did he do to deserve me.

Stu’s friend is still here and now that his girlfriend from Miami has also arrived, I have asked him to make a contribution towards the bills and told him he can stay two weeks max.

Yesterday I wanted to watch Sabrina The Teenage Witch on Nickleodeon but I felt uncomfortable because he was sitting on the sofa cuddling his girlfriend.

Then this morning at 8.30am, the phone rang. No-one answered it so I got up and answered it and it was for him. So I went and woke him up. Then I went down to the kitchen and saw the phone was missing from there so it turns out he should have heard and answered the phone as the kitchen phone was with him.

I was awake when the phone rang anyway but to not answer the phone when you know it will be for you (it was a woman calling about a flat who said she would call in the morning) is just rude.

After an hour of watching tv I got a bit annoyed. So I went to the bathroom and switched the hot tap on for a bit as he is sleeping in the room where the boiler is. I also cleaned the bathroom (as well as the butlers bathroom and the kitchen) so the tap was running for a bit. That didn’t seem to wake him up and by this time it was 10am.

I would have hoovered outside his room but Mr Mean and Stu were still fast asleep.

So as he now had two of the house phones in his room, I called it and hung up. That got him up.

Mr Mean tells me I should stop being so silly.  But when someone puts me out when they could improve their manners, it really bugs me.

I stole some biriyani, samosas and kebabs from Ribeana’s house last weekend and Mr Mean and I had it for dinner yesterday.  Mr Mean complained today that he had a ring of fire.  I had no such problem.  The food wasn’t even spicy.  It was actually very tasty.  Perhaps that’ll teach him a lesson not to eat stolen food in future.

EDF sent me a quarterly bill for electricity.  I called them up because I left them last September and I have been paying British Gas for my electric since 19th September.  It took about ten minutes of trying to get Michael to understand that they don’t supply me with electricity and he told me I would get a cheque in the post within the next ten days.  However I actually owe them for 81 units worth of electricity but if he wants to send me a cheque, that’s fine by me.

Then I had to call up Nationwide because they rejected my unfair bank charge of £20.81 because they set the date of my credit card direct debit wrong and put me into a £1,500 overdraft.  Holly told me to send another fax so I did staing I would start charging them for my time if I had to send another letter.  Then Lisa called me on my mobile to say a cheque for £21 would be sent to me in the post.  Wow, a whole 19p compensation.

I have put on so much weight recently that the heel on my leather stilleto’s from Schuh has snapped. It’s not like I wear them a lot as I keep them under my desk and only wear them in the office. So the only reason I can think of that they broke after one year is that I am too fat. So tomorrow after I have eaten the box of Neuhaus chocolates that Mr Mean’s friend gave me, I will start my diet.

Two days before the warranty ran out on my Lift Off, I thought I had better give Bissell a call last Wednesday to see if they could fix the back pedal and also the noise as it was giving me earache.

They sent a courier the next day to collect it and I received it  back yesterday.  They fixed the pedal, gave me a new filter which costs £20 (I paid £50 for the vacuum) which fixed my ear problem and also gave it a good clean.

When credit is due, I will give it.  Bissell have very good customer care, their vacuums are much better than Dyson and next time I need a new carpet cleaner or vacuum then I will get a Bissell again.

Yesterday evening, Mr Mean and I went to see Dan In Real Life.  It was suprisingly good and we laughed a lot.  It was a about a widow with three daughters and he falls in love with his brother’s girlfriend.  In the end, they swap partners and everyone ends up happy.

This morning I opened the curtains of the spare room at the back of the house at 7am and saw another naked neighbour.  This time I got the whole view as she was completely naked and it was a plain, not frosted window.

She is quite young and slim.

This evening, someone did a google on this exact phrase and it came up with my website.  What a strange thing to type into google.  Unless someone was specifically looking for me and